What is this feeling?

Finding a new interest is like developing a crush. That initial excitement and wanting to just revel in everything that it IS. Some may think that’s weird but I know there are people out there that feel the same way. And some interests fade while others stick with you just like certain crushes. The word “Crush” itself sounds so juvenile, but it’s not like as you get older those feelings become more mature. Sure we mature as people, but that excitement, that want to know more about a person after you meet them, spend some time with them; that stays the same as we age. A crush is really the only thing I can liken my feelings to.

All the fandoms I’ve been in have started with a crush, not on a single person, but on the thing itself. I watched an episode of a show, spent a bit of time with it, and I was enthralled. I wanted to know more, to spend more time with it, to learn everything I possibly could about it. At this point, I’ve had multiple crushes on TV Shows. Some have lasted years, and some are fleeting. I watched Supernatural for 7 years, submersed myself in the fandom; lived and breathed that show. It was like a relationship, sometimes it disappointed me, but I still stuck with it. On the other hand, there are shows I really enjoyed just for a short period of time, but have completely forgotten about them until I’m reminded, like “Oh yeah, I did really like that show a long time ago for like a month.”

Last year, I was in L.A. for an internship and for some reason went deep into a Bill Hader obsession, which has only resurfaced now with the new It Chapter Two release. He is by far the best part of that… interesting movie, and I might be biased, but I don’t think so, because a lot of people seem to agree with me. Anyway, it’s like a crush that was dormant for a year and just came back at full speed. But it’s not like, “OoOoOoh you have a crush on Bill Hader~~” it’s more like “Oh, you’re really just watching literally everything he’s done to absorb all of his performances and watching interviews to bask in his personality and humor.”

And this is the second time in the past few months that I’ve actually relived an old obsession. In July I flew to LA with my friends to see “Starkid: Homecoming” a reunion show for the theater company, Starkid. And that was an interest I had back in like, 2010. But leading up to the trip, I watched every musical they produced, as they are all available on YouTube. Some of the musicals I’d seen, and some they’d released in the time that I’d lost interest in them.

It’s like visiting an old friend but also finding a new depth to your relationship with them.

I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this, but I’m just in this state right now with the new It movie. I’m trying to read and watch everything I can even though I really don’t think it was even a good movie. It’s very strange. I just felt a need to talk about it. Like you do when you develop a crush. You gush about them to whoever will listen and annoy your friends with the details that they just don’t care about.

And it’s a fun time, it gives me a feeling of purpose almost. Having something to put all of myself into like this, something that I really enjoy, it motivates me to do other things, and gives me energy in a way. Allows me to be more productive, because I’m just overall excited to be living.